And so I begin, seriously. Today is the day I claim myself as a poet and writer and set to the task before me. I will not let myself down. Almost all ambition is gone from my life now. My deepest, greatest and truest desire is for freedom. God’s freedom. To know peace no matter what. Beyond that, if I must do something in the world, it will be to write. To leave behind a voice of friendship to those who come after me, as so many others have offered their friendship and wisdom through their writing to me.
It is a long road ahead of me. A road that will last the rest of this lifetime. And isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t it a good and wonderful thing to have a task so great before you that it can never be exhausted? The world is too fast and I am tired of not having the concentration or focus or patience necessary to create something truly worthwhile. Everything must be instantaneous. How can a person write anything truly great when they are busy feeding the monster of social media one or more times a day? Where is the time for silence, reflection, contemplation?
I must let go of the need for immediate gratification, feedback, validation and praise and simply get back into the habit of writing for the love of it and to develop my craft. I must resist, resist, resist the frequent temptation to turn each insight into something – a product, a service, a course. For that is the current way of the world. Everyone is teaching you how to turn your knowledge into an income online and perhaps that is all well and good but it is not conducive to writing really well. It is not conducive to leaving behind what I would like to leave behind.
I am now forty years old and finally I see that I cannot do or be everything. Finally I see, as I pass the threshold into a new phase of life, that satisfaction can only come from dedicating myself to what is most true within me. If I do not do this, I will only feel that I have wasted this precious life that has been given.