In two days, Ben will leave for his parents’. In a little over two weeks, I will leave for mine. For many reasons, our paths diverge for now.
As I’m sure you can imagine, there is a whole mixture of emotions.
Perhaps because of this pending change, I haven’t felt very inspired to write, which always makes me a little anxious because it is my favourite thing of all the things I do and sometimes I worry that the ability to write anything might just disappear.
Instead I’ve been filling my time with knitting ear warmers (for sale below), baking teacakes (Ben’s favourite), and taking care of practical matters related to moving out of the flat (though the sale is still not completed).
My mum taught me to knit when I was young and we grew up helping her bake in the kitchen and now with this growing longing for a simpler life with more time spent doing things with my hands, I feel so grateful that I was able to learn the seed of these crafts when I was younger.
When I return to my parents’ I hope to start playing the piano again, though I’ve not played probably since I was a young teenager and was never very advanced. My mum is a good player and my sister too, since she was always better than I was at sticking with those sorts of things.
I wonder now whether it wasn’t the thing itself I grew bored with, but rather the rigidity of scheduled lessons with teachers. I recognise how valuable lessons can be but when I look at the big picture of my life so far, I see how much I’ve rebelled against any sort of externally enforced schedule and for better or worse, often prefer to learn things on my own.
I’m enjoying the dark months more than I ever have before. The trees in the cemetery are bare now and as I walk there in the fading light of the late afternoon, each skeletal branch becomes a bony witch’s hand, whispering to me of mystery and magic and drawing me into other worlds.
Out here, with the witches and the crows and the great moon spirit there is space for the sadness I feel moving in my heart and I feel too the small, bright flame of future possibility stirring in my belly.
Love and courage,
P.S. The two ear warmers I knitted are for sale! The first one below is a beautiful deep pink/berry colour (a bit darker than in the photo) and is made with a gloriously warm yarn with a 60% merino wool, 30% masham wool and 10% mohair mix). This one is a snug (but not tight) fit for my head which is approx. 52cm in circumference. £30 + postage. [NOW SOLD]
The second one below is made using a mix of two yarns (a cream and beige Rowan 100% British yarn and a pink yarn of unknown origin I found in my knitting box!). I’ve left this one unfinished so I can knit it to your desired size. £30 + postage. [NOW SOLD]
I only have these two for sale so if you’d like one of them, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
May they bring joy and warmth to your ears for years to come.