Something strange happens to me in springtime. I look out of a window here or there and I see spring throwing her beauty around everywhere. She calls me to her. She calls me out, away from these lifeless walls, and into her blossoming bosom. I want to go. I feel sick with longing to be with her.
But sometimes I simply cannot go. I am rooted, both desperate to move and frozen in place. What is this?
I’ll tell you what this is. This is the thing within me that would prefer to shut myself away from spring’s touch than to have to expose myself to such an intensity of beauty and light. This is the thing within me that would prefer never to see spring than to see her, knowing that she will then be taken from me. This is the thing within me that is afraid of the magnificence of life and therefore needs to keep it at a distance.
And so sometimes I stay indoors, in the half-light, where things are duller and much less alive but yet somehow, horribly, more manageable.
We can live our whole lives this way, always turning away from the possibility of what our lives could be and choosing instead to live half hidden in the shadows. In many ways, this is an easier way to live, just as it is, in a strange way, easier for me to stay indoors than face the devastating beauty of spring. But it comes at a cost and that cost is high. The cost is never having the experience of fully stepping into our capacity and feeling truly alive.
We were not created to languish in front of screens and machines, to increasingly consume, paying wealthy corporations to diminish our life force further and further. We were created by the light to be the light and each and every one of us is the light.
But learning to shine is courageous work because when you get even a tiny glimpse of how bright and powerful your light truly is? Well, that can make you want to close the curtains and go back to sleep.
Now is not the time to go back to sleep. Now is the time to walk to the threshold of your back door and step out into spring’s embrace. It’s bright out there. But we can handle it. We were built for this. And we can do it together.
Love and courage,
Leah
Being outdoors this time of the year is surely lovely! But don’t you think that culture, ultimately, is even better than nature when it comes to maintaining our inner light? I can feel harmony and joy in nature, but never as ecstatic as when I am indoors writing at my computer, creating electronic music on my synthesizer, playing the piano or listening to Bach’s masses on my stereo, contemplating impressionist art at a museum, or visiting cathedrals.. It is here that I experience moments of otherworldly felicity and feel most in touch with my essence and the divine. Do you have any particular cultural places that you enjoy as much as you enjoy being in nature?
Hi Caleb! Do I think one thing is better than another for maintaining our inner light? No, I think what feels best for you is the best thing and I love that you find that connection creating your electronic music, playing the piano, contemplating impressionist art a museum etc. Yes, I have felt those moments of deep connection in such places and experiences but over time life has taken me more and more in the direction of nature than of museums and buildings. But it could quite easily have gone another way and then no doubt I would be sitting here writing about those things instead! Thank you for the question!
Oh my goodness, I resonate with this so much!! I don’t know how you manage to put these things into words!!
Hee hee, thank you Dawn! I’m glad this spoke to you so much. Sending you loads of love. xx
This is beautiful Leah, I really resonate. It’s been hard to welcome spring this year, but as I’ve slowly opened to it and allowed it, I feel the potentially and beauty it births and in turn feel it within me. It’s always so lovely to receive your writing in my inbox. Lots of love to you.
I’m so glad this spoke to you Nicole. I hear your calm, soothing voice as I read your words and know that you will be opening to spring in your own perfect way and perfect time. Lots of love to you too. Thank you Nicole.
Leah, thank you, thank you, thank you. Your words are like the notes of a Stradivarius violin to me. Until now, I never knew that there were words that could explain how I really felt about life. Too often, as I see the edge of a Spring of beauty and renewal approach, I freeze like a frightened rabbit under the shadow of a circling hawk, until the opportunity has passed. I too long to be in harmony with the seasons rather than in conflict with them. Now, more than any other time, we all need to HEAL and RENEW.
Know that the Universe loves and needs you.
"I freeze like a frightened rabbit under the shadow of a circling hawk, until the opportunity has passed." You have described the experience so beautifully with these words. Here’s to healing and renewing! Thank you Gord.
Leah,
I needed to read this last week. I drove to attend a new club meeting and never went in. I felt embarrassed for some reason. Well, there is always next time.
Bonnie
Oh gosh Bonnie, reading about your experience reminds me how many times I have done something similar! Like you say, there is next time and I will be energetically by your side cheering you on!
Great stuff Leah. Really relate to this and thank you for sharing.
Thanks Andrew, really glad to know you enjoyed it and can relate. My pleasure, thank you for reading too!