When I was small, no one told me about The Box.
I was led to believe that life was play. I drifted happily about in my imagination, sometimes twirling around in my red leotard, other times sitting in my room with my diary, or arranging my pocket money into piles and gleefully announcing that I would one day be a millionaire.
But as I grew through my teens and into early adulthood, the existence of The Box became clear. It’s funny though because no one ever actually sat me down and explicitly told me about The Box.
By my mid twenties, I found that I’d somehow managed to clamber into The Box. I’m not quite sure how that happened. I didn’t like it.
One day, I decided to open the lid of The Box and climb back out. People inside The Box seemed freaked out but as I stood on the edge, ready to jump, I was hit by a blast of fresh air. Woah, this felt good!
I loved life outside The Box, more than you can possibly imagine. Every day was an adventure. I was like that little girl again, full of wonder and curiosity and excitement. It was also a little scary because nothing felt certain or secure. But this is also what made it exhilarating.
There were things I missed about being in The Box. For instance, there was a lot of love and approval in there and I really longed for those things. Oh, how I longed for them! But I found that no matter how much I longed for the things that were in The Box, they were never enough to make me climb back inside.
Over the years, some people in The Box tried to make me feel bad for leaving. And I did feel bad because I still longed for the love and approval I’d felt inside. I wanted the people inside The Box to bless my choice and understand me.
I never got what I wanted.
Very, very, very slowly, I started to learn that I had to let go of needing the people inside The Box to understand why it was so important to me to live outside it.
I started to learn that I could approve of myself. I could love myself. I could trust myself.
Sometimes I still dream of what it would feel like to be wrapped in blessings and encouragement from the people in The Box. I don’t know if that dream will ever fully leave me.
But I also know that if the people inside The Box could peek inside my heart and see how much being inside The Box hurt me, they would understand why I’ve made the choices I’ve made.
In 2022 I plan on having my most fun yet living outside The Box. I also plan to give heaps and heaps of encouragement to others on the outside because encouragement is what I’ve always found most helpful.
Who knows, maybe I’ll even buy myself a red leotard and put on a show.
Love and courage,
P.S. To my black sheep, my naughty rebels, my fellow misfits…your own approval is all you need. This is hard work. But oh so worth it. Slowly, slowly we learn.
Merry Christmas and happy New year, too. 🙂 Thank you for caring about all of us peeps around the globe. I especially love your writing and I’m so greatful I found you out there … I am struggling with depression and loneliness and all that crap. But YOU ALWAYS HELP ME CLEAR AWAY THE SADNESS AND FOG You are a lovely girl and I could sit with u all day by the fire and chat about life. You inspire me. Thank you. Happy day to u love, Jeana xo
A nearly-happy-New-Year to you Jeana! And a huge THANK YOU for leaving this comment. My writing finds meaning through you and other readers being there to engage with it so I am also very grateful to you for being here! I am so sorry to know you are struggling with depression and loneliness – I know how dark the darkness can feel and am glad to know I can play a little part in clearing away the fog. Though I know how alone it is possible to feel, I hope in this moment, reading this, you can feel some friendly warmth coming your way. Sending a big hug, lots of love and much gratitude for you. xx
I am happy you are outside the box, because you would not be the inspiration that you are. Happy New Year!
Thank you Bonnie! Wishing you a happy New Year too!
Thank you Leah!!
Approval from loved ones is something most of the awakened ones struggle with. I have struggled for years trying to gain approval for my soul journey from my loved ones but in the end, ended up restricting my own self. I am reclaiming my power every day by prioritising my meditations. Still the fear takes a grip on me and restricts my belly.
Thank you for sharing this! We will cross through these together!
Here is a link to my blog I have been trying to build!
You are all in my love and prayers!
Love and regards to all!
My pleasure Shaivya. It is beautiful to read about your commitment to your meditations and how that is helping you reclaim your own power. Sending much love to you for the year ahead.
Thanks Leah, most enjoyable read … I’ve never thought about it in that way before … The Box … and climbing out of or escaping the Box … but found your analogy so perfect … their are those who love the box and will never leave the box in this life of theirs … those who are awakening to the being in the Box and those who have left … Once out, sorry to say … returning, impossible … znd Yes, as we all know, can be lonely at times … not running amongst the herd … But I can see, peering into my crystal ball, there is a time coming when it will be lonely inside that Box, due to the masses who will have awakened to their spirit … Much Love and Wishing the Best in the coming New Year to all those living on the outside … 🥳😊🤗
My pleasure Patrick, thank you for reading. Ha ha, yes, impossible to return 🙂 The world is definitely changing. Love and best wishes for the New Year to you too, Patrick!
Christine Noble Seller
I want to come play!
Yay! Let’s play a lot this year!
Hey Leah, I’ve been following your emails for a while now. Can you tell me specifically what The Box is for you and how you have journeyed outside of it?
Hey Isabella. Ultimately, the box is the life we live because it is the life that we are told to live (society, family, teachers, conditioning), the life we think we ‘should’ live, the life we are expected to live, the life we live because we are afraid of what might happen if we choose differently. For me, this has had largely to do with my work life, since that has been a major thread of my life. It is in contrast to life outside the box – which is the life, whatever it looks like, that is the true journey of our hearts and what we are called to. I have journeyed outside that box simply by feeling that I do not have a choice. I feel compelled to follow what is in me to the best of my ability. Sometimes my ability is not very good. I have not reached any kind of destination. None of this is to say that there is a right or wrong. The box is infinite in its variations for each of us and we each have our reasons for making the choices we make and we each have our own unique path to follow. Big love, Leah.