When I first met Ben he was working as a bicycle delivery courier for a café in town. He enjoyed that job most of the time but it was never his long term plan to stay there. Over time, he became increasingly frustrated and eventually handed in his notice. Ben has had so many jobs since I’ve known him that it’s hard to remember the timeline of when and how everything happened but I wanted to tell you about the journey I’ve witnessed him take in the two years that I’ve known him towards finding work he loves to do.
I should start by saying that Ben is fourteen years younger than I am (another story for another day) and so it’s been fascinating for me to be a part of this journey with him because finding and following your own path in life is a struggle I’m both intimate with and endlessly passionate about.
After he quit his courier job he went on to get a job in a fish and chip shop and then at a fuel station. He then had a nudge that going to college and learning a trade could be good for him so he signed up to start a plumbing course at the local college and managed to get an apprenticeship with a reputable firm.
He loved the college course (for the most part) but it became clear soon after he started going out on jobs for the apprenticeship that it wasn’t quite right for him. He didn’t enjoy being inside all the time and he’d come home saying things like, “We ripped out a perfectly good bathroom to install a new one and it’ll all just go to landfill. How can I be part of something so wasteful?” So, he quit.
After that he reassessed, taking into account all the things he’d been finding out about himself through all these jobs. One thing he knew was that he was happiest when he was outside and I’d seen that he was knowledgeable and good at both gardening and fixing just about anything. He’d also had a long term dream of becoming a tree surgeon but had always told himself that he’d never have enough money to get the necessary training (it’s expensive and then you need a lot of gear).
He started calling and sending emails to local tree surgeons and before long he’d been offered some work as a groundie on a self-employed basis with someone local. That turned out to be a great move for him. He was self-employed; the one or two people he worked with were laid back and friendly; he was outside; it paid well and it wasn’t 9-5, five days a week. He picked up a couple of other jobs like this and he was the happiest in his work I’d seen him.
The only problem was that the work wasn’t always consistent and he didn’t always have enough money coming in. Recently he convinced himself that it would be a good idea to get something more ‘secure and stable’ where he could build up his skills and progress down the route of tree surgery. He applied for a job with a prestigious firm as a tree surgeon and got it. Ben is very good at getting jobs and we often joke that he should set up a business helping people write CVs and cover letters!
I think he knew before he even started this one that it wasn’t going to work but as we’ve all experienced, sometimes you have to go back (and back and back) to things you know don’t work for you or aren’t good for you to finally, finally, finally realise that you should never go down this path again!
He spent hours of his day sitting around because there wasn’t enough work (he can’t stand this), he was working in a team of people who didn’t feel like his true tribe (we all know how hard that can be) and there wasn’t enough variety, which he was quickly realising was essential to his happiness.
He quit after the first month.
I could see that quitting was harder for him this time. Not too hard, because he still went ahead and did it, but definitely harder. Harder because it was a prestigious company and people were telling him how great it was that he’d got a job there. And I think by this time he might also have been feeling the fear that he may never ‘sort himself out’ and find the right thing.
Still, a week later and he started a new job (the one he’s in now). He’s working on a 75 hectare estate doing everything from lime pointing, to tree work, to maintaining river banks, to joinery. It’s a mixture of outside and inside work, he’s sometimes working on his own and sometimes with one or two others, and he’ll be learning a lot of really useful skills for the time when he’s ready to set up again as self-employed.
Because ultimately, like me, he knows that he’ll never be happier than when he’s working for himself. I can’t tell you the number of conversations we’ve had where we both describe the anxiety we feel whenever we have to go to ‘a job’ versus the freedom and relaxation we feel working for ourselves. I think we both just really don’t like the weird rules of the ‘normal’ world.
Of course, self-employment comes with its own set of challenges but for me, none of those challenges is bigger than the challenge of waking up with a sinking feeling in your stomach about the day ahead. I’ve never had that feeling in my own work.
To many people, it probably seemed like Ben was crazy, jumping in a seemingly chaotic fashion from one thing to another. What I saw was a young man doing his best to navigate the tricky terrain of being in your twenties and trying to figure out who you are and what you want to do, whilst also making a living. I also saw someone who knew what felt right inside and what felt wrong and who refused to settle for anything that didn’t feel true to him. You can see why we’re well matched! 🙂
Every time he quit and moved on I supported him because I know what it feels like to be doing work that’s eating away at your insides. I also know how devastating it can be to feel unsupported. When you’re already terrified that you might be screwing up your life, the last thing you need is someone voicing that same fear to you.
I had (and have) complete faith that he would, in time, find the right work for him. And I believe having faith in and supporting the heart desires of those we love (and of anyone, really) is one of the most important gifts we can give.
The entirety of this story brings me back to the title of the post. Last week I was scooping chicken poop into a bucket when I had a realisation: I’d rather scoop chicken poop all day long than do anything that is not aligned with my soul.
I do a disservice to scooping chicken poop actually by implying that something ‘so gross’ is better than doing something not aligned with one’s soul. Because to me, scooping chicken poop isn’t gross. Scooping chicken poop is good, honest, real work. It’s an activity that is aligned with my soul and therefore I’m happy to do it.
But here’s the important part. Only I know what is in or out of alignment with my soul. Only Ben knows what is in or out of alignment with his soul. And only you know what is in or out of alignment with your soul.
There’s no right or wrong. There’s only you and what you know is inside you. I wish we placed more importance on teaching and supporting people to listen to the truth of their hearts and then to act from that place. Instead we seem to teach people to follow a system that makes most of us miserable and to see the whispers of the heart as fantastical dreams that have no place in the ‘real’ world.
It’s been inspiring to watch Ben following the nudges from within, no matter how hard it has been to do that sometimes. Witnessing his journey has reminded me just how important it is to keep being willing to take risks and not to let the ‘should dos’ that come from society and the people around us become more powerful than the authority of our own hearts.
Love and courage,
Leah
P.S. It has honestly been so nice hearing from you in the comments these past weeks. Keep them coming, I love hearing from you and thank you for being so amazing!
Hi Leah, apropos work: what happened to your one-on-one sessions? You don’t seem to offer them any more..
Hi Chloe, no, I have not been offering/promoting these except for a few existing clients.
[A wonderful reader sent me this email in response to this post and I’m sharing it here with permission. Too good not to share!)
It occurs to me that this applies to so many other things in our lives too and just as importantly to health.
Edward Bach was inspired to create his range of flower remedies after observing the huge numbers of patients who came to him who were unhappy with their “ chosen" profession or job. In his day (and this still is very relevant today) parents put huge pressure on their offspring to follow what they (the parents) considered was an appropriate career ( the decision was usually fear based or based on what was considered to be socially acceptable) So even though someone may have attained prestige and wealth through a career, they were nevertheless often deeply unfulfilled, leading to mental, emotional and physical dis-ease.
Never has this principle of alignment been more appropriate than now as governments around the world try to mandate “one size fits all” health strategies. This is potentially steam rolling over an individuals ability to choose what is best for themselves. I am a scientist and a medical Dr and enjoy using my rational mind. However I am well aware of its limitations. If you look carefully at the history of modern medicine (last 300 years) you will see not just minor adjustments to the way certain diseases are treated but in fact what I refer to as “flip-flopping”. This is 180 degree reversal of what was previously taken as standard unquestionable advise. Examples of this are “the lying in” of women who had just given birth. They were told they had to lie in bed for two weeks after delivery. The advise now, get up immediately and stay mobile. Why? Because lying in greatly increased the risk of deep vein thrombosis and thus potentially death by pulmonary embolism. The same with back problems, lie on your back for 6 weeks as opposed to now, get up and stay as mobile as possible. The list is actually endless. So one might ask oneself what similar things are we being told with absolute authority and assuredness, now, that will flip to the opposite in 5, 10, 50 years time?
But that is the nature of duality. Polarities that endlessly switch and that is never going to change. So one could become exhausted, endlessly researching with the rational mind. 10 scientific studies may confirm one’s hypothesis, but then another 10 appear that totally refute it ( for every expert there is an equal and opposite expert).
This could be depressing unless one “wakes up” to something we all have at our core. Namely “knowingness” or intuition (inner-tuition). As we bring this more to the fore, we realise that we can “know" what the right course of action is for ourselves, in any given moment (bearing in mind that this may well be bespoke advise just for us and for everyone else, the exact opposite may be required, so no use shouting your discovery from the roof tops). I was taught this principle at age 15. I had a maths teacher who was very scary and intimidating (and maths is my worse subject, I’m pretty hopeless). He set some home work to transfer an algebraic equation onto a graph. We had a break just prior to the next maths lesson. Everyone had taken their graphs out. As I looked around the room everyone’s graph was mapped out in the exact opposite direction to mine. Anxiety tore through my system as I frantically tried to find a new piece of paper and copy their version. But Mr Gregory suddenly entered the room and collected our homework. The next lesson Mr Gregory was fuming mad. He announced that he was giving the whole class extra work and detention for being so stupid, that is everyone except Duxbury. He can go now!.
The universe in its wisdom doesn’t necessarily dole out the big overriding picture, IT prefers to lay out a “breadcrumb trail”. All we then have to do is “trust” and keep following the clues. To the rational mind this can appear crazy or counterintuitive.
An inner guide recently gave me an acronym to contemplate; SAT (Sanskrit for truth)
S = Surrender
A = Acceptance
T= Trust
Initially I thought they were all pretty much the same thing. But deeper contemplation allowed knowingness to point out: Surrender is something the mind can be forced to do ie in war with a gun at your head you will generally be forced to surrender. Anyway why would anyone surrender to something or someone that they don’t know. So actually trust must come first. Trust develops over time after one has established a relationship. And this relationship can be with our own inner guidance system. And as our trust grows our consciousness grows with it and with that acceptance and then it becomes an effortless, natural process to surrender, but this time the surrender is heartfelt and voluntary. What are we surrendering? We are surrendering the confusion and bewilderment of the little self and trusting that IT always has our back, loves us and always wants the best for us. And even though it can lead us to places that are dark and scary IT knows the big picture and it is always for our ultimate good.
We are thus in a perpetual process of alignment to all aspects of life within duality.
I read all this to my wife as she doesn’t subscribe to your blog and then another profundity struck us.18 months ago she had to tune into how she wanted to treat a breast cancer diagnosis. She opted for an integrative approach and no surgery etc. She got an all clear 6 weeks ago. But simultaneously something happened with her back possibly due to a tumble or osteoporosis etc. But since then she has become increasingly incapacitated and can barely walk. An MRI on Thurs will clarify. But her main issue now is spinal alignment!! Her spine is currently skewed and “s” shaped. She is handling it all with grace, no victim hood, no raging against the unfairness of the Universe, just the inquiry what I do I need to learn or let go of, or surrender now?
Thank you for highlighting this essential principle in your blog today, it turns out it was a gift for both myself and my wife.
Thanks again for a really great post. Even though I’m now deep into middle-age I can really relate to this and I think that struggle might never end to some extent — at least for more. Lovely photo too. Looks like a vibrant place to live.
My pleasure Andrew, so glad you enjoyed it! I totally relate to your continued journey with this as well. At 38 I most definitely feel as though I am still ‘figuring things out’ but, perhaps like you, have somewhat accepted that this is part of my path – I identify perhaps as an explorer more than anything else and think I will always be drawn in new directions.