All I have ever wanted to do is share the way I see and feel the world.
Yet there’s a cycle I go through repetitively. In one part of the cycle I start thinking that it can’t be this simple. That it’s not valid or allowed to make my life out of simply expressing what is in my heart.
In this phase of the cycle I spiral deeper and deeper into confusion as I frantically search for something to offer that I feel would be more worthy, less selfish, and a more ‘proper’ contribution to our aching world.
After a period of being in this spiral, in which everything in life gets heavier and more difficult, something finally cracks and I break free into a moment of clarity. And that moment of clarity is always the same:
Just share the way you see and feel the world. Just write. Just express.
And when that moment of clarity comes, the relief is huge and there are almost always tears. This wave of emotional release and relaxation tells me the simple truth that it’s not only ok to be called to what I’m called to but that it’s truly what I’m made for and that I need to trust it.
And so I trust it for a little while and all is well. And then the cycle begins again.
But the truth I return to remains the same. All I have ever wanted is to share the way I see and feel the world. All I have ever wanted is to write and express what is in my heart.
It doesn’t matter how many other good, beautiful, satisfying or fulfilling things there are in my life; without this, something inside me withers and dies. Without that inward soul connection and subsequent outward expression, nothing else feels right.
Highly sensitive, deep-thinking, big-hearted people are really good at taking the way they naturally are and making it wrong. We often think that almost everything about us is something to work with, improve or fix.
We don’t trust ourselves. We don’t trust the way we naturally are. We don’t trust what we are naturally called to. And what we are really saying when we don’t trust those things is that we don’t believe that what is inside us could be naturally good or trustworthy.
Our starting point is believing that we are inherently bad, wrong, undeserving and untrustworthy and that we need to be cleansed, improved and fixed. We need to be purified. In fact, we need to be someone else!
What a horrible way to live! To be living from an underlying belief that everything that is natural to you and about you isn’t ok. To believe that nothing you think, feel, believe or are called to can be trusted.
You don’t need purifying. You need to trust that it’s ok to be you. Not just ok, but valid and beautiful and needed. What are you not trusting about yourself right now? And what would change if you decided to make that thing right instead of wrong?