There was a time when it was so much easier to do things I didn’t really want to do.
It was easier to say yes to a social event when I knew I’d much rather spend time in nature or simply at home alone. It was easier to do work I didn’t really want to do because it made rational sense. It was easier to keep being friends with people I didn’t really want to be friends with because I couldn’t bear the thought of someone thinking I wasn’t nice. It was easier to pretend I liked things I didn’t really like because fitting in was preferable to standing out. It was easier to pretend I thought things I didn’t really think because I was afraid of being ridiculed or rejected.
Now, with every day that passes, I look in the rearview mirror and see those days fading further into the distance.
It’s harder and harder (impossible in some areas) to do anything that isn’t a true yes for my soul.
It’s like this for many of us at the moment and I want you to know – I really want you to know – you’re not alone.
If you can’t bring yourself to do work that doesn’t make your heart sing, even though you ‘really need the money’, you’re not lazy and you’re not irresponsible.
If you’d rather spend time in nature or sit meditating or plant potatoes than go to the pub or a party or watch TV, then you’re not ‘weird’.
If you can’t bring yourself to keep being friends with someone when your heart simply isn’t in it, you’re not mean or horrible.
If you can’t bring yourself to pretend to like things or think things you don’t like or think, it doesn’t mean you’re being unnecessarily difficult or opinionated.
As far as I can see from my own experience and the conversations and interactions I’ve been having lately, we’re done trying to fit in with the superficial society we’ve created. It’s becoming harder and harder for more and more people to keep on keeping on. We know that this isn’t the way life has to be and the voice of our souls is rising and becoming clearer.
Are we living through a challenging time? Yes, we are. It’s a time of such immense transition. So much of what we’re used to no longer works. More and more people are seeing through the lie of materialism and growth and more and more people are turning inwards to hear the messages that arise in the silence and the stillness.
We have to remember we’re not alone. When we take our struggles in isolation it’s too easy to think there’s something wrong with us. But when we connect into messages of others experiencing what we are experiencing, we can see our struggles within a bigger context of a movement towards a more beautiful world. This gives us faith and strength to continue on our path and to trust what we are feeling.
You are not alone. Please remember this.
Love and courage,
Leah
Hi Leah,
Thank you for your beautiful post! What really got me was the part about not wanting to work with something we don’t like doing, even though we need the money. This really resonated with me.
But what are we to do instead, then? After all, we need to support ourselves and our loved ones, and not all of us are fortunate enough to be financially independent or work with something we love (hitherto, noone has paid me for my writing). What is the alternative, especially if you have children? I would love if you could say something about, or perhaps even write a post about, your take on this and how you yourself have solved this problem. I am sure that you would be able to inspire us all!
Love,
Emma
Hello Emma,
Thank you for asking this question. There has been something big bubbling in me for…well, probably forever, but more intensely the last six months on the subject of money/supporting ourselves and our loved ones whilst no longer playing society’s game of selling ourselves to jobs that don’t nourish our hearts and souls. This is in fact, for me, one of the primary themes that I have circled around for years (and something that has caused me a lot of pain). I know it is time for me to write and talk about it more clearly. This is so much more than one piece of writing to me so give me a little time to listen for how this needs to emerge but know that something is coming on this topic. I know it is a question on all of our minds.
All my love, Leah
Hi Leah,
Thanks for another timely post. I completely agree. It is really difficult to do the things I don’t enjoy anymore whereas I used to just do them anyway. I find myself thinking ‘why should I do this?’ and the answer is I shouldn’t have to if it’s something I’m only doing to please someone else. I have seen less of people since lockdown, specifically the people I used to be good friends with but now seem to have less and less in common with and sometimes I find I don’t even like them that much anymore but I feel bad for not being friends still.
Other things however, I do still have to do even though I really dislike it and it brings me down. But hopefully it is only temporary, however long term so I am trying to be patient.
I SO wish I could think of something to do as a job that I love and will enable me to earn enough money to live. I have been racking my brain for a long time on that subject!
Hope you are well. Lovely to hear from you.
Loads of love #
Sarah xx
Hello Sarah,
It seems there are many of us going through this and similar at the moment. You are definitely not alone. When it comes to friends, letting go, and the feelings of guilt that can be there, I find it helpful to remember that it’s just a parting of ways for now whilst we both carry on our journeys as we need to, knowing that ultimately we are all connected. I don’t have an answer on the job/work front – but can say that my experience is that wherever there is joy, even just a glimpse, it is worth following, in whatever way that is possible in this moment.
So lovely to hear from you, Sarah. Sending lots of love to you too. xx
Sending all my love, prayers and blessings to you, dear Leah! What a wonderful writing which resonates with me immensely! Still, I really am not sure how to stay away from the social obligations without hurting anyone! People start frown upon and show their resentment straight away! I don’t have power to overcome these and even with a bitter taste in my heart I’ve to oblige them. What an unpleasant situation it really is!
It’d be nice of you if you throw some lights on this in your upcoming posts at your convenience.
❤️